Now to clarify, this isn't me having a rant at the appalling sequels of one of my favourite all time movies... nor is it a story about tornado's in Japan... more taking the idea of one thing leading to another...
It occurred to me today, that I owed a lot to one decision of "fuck-it" why the hell not... If I hadn't decided to throw reason to the wind, not care about how I was getting home, or how I was going to afford it... then I would never have taken the last minute ticket to see switchfoot last week...
Had that not happened then I wouldn't have had one of the best nights of my life, catching up with a friend who I hadn't seen for too long... nightseeing round london...
Also I wouldn't have met someone who's kind of changed my perspective on things abit... I was all about the pessimism... and now I'm not, optimism is springing back into my life... and while this scares me... and quite frankly I feel like a need a shower after each depression-void thought... I guess it's alot better than the alternative...
I'm also starting to think that I didn't fuck up my only chance at happiness this year... so I put on a happy... no, wait... brave face for the world... but messing up things with jess back in winter crippled me emotionally... alot more than I let on... somehow managed to keep it from my roommate... but I guess there was a considerable part of me that gave up on the idea of love, or ever finding someone... I just assumed that everytime I found someone that I could see myself being happy with... it would never happen... and pessimistically I deemed myself destined to be alone...
With hindsight it was... naive I guess... and I know, its such an ugly word for someone so beauti- anyways... but I guess I was stupid to think that in this big old world there wouldn't be another girl I could see myself with... and it was stupid to think that despite, my hermit like lifestyle, I would probably not meet anyone new with whom things felt... right... like I really clicked with... an unforced... natural connection...
So if you read one of my previous post then you'll know who I'm talking about... and yes it is silly of me to feel this wrapped up over a girl I met just once, and has a boyfriend... and I probably will have an angry rant about guys getting girls they don't deserve in the immanent future... but things just feel so easy... and right... and while I'm not wanting to break any hearts... I feel things are going well... so I'm pretty sure that even if things don't pan out with the end result I ultimately aspire to... that this has done me good... and will teach me a few things about life for now... even if I forget to learn from them in the future...
Cheers for listening if you made it this far... and if you got this via facebook, why not make my day and give it a like...
Big love xxx
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