The end of the first week...

So after the busy weekend things return to normal... last night was half 11 till 7am... so I did well... and I am now back at home and ready to step things up on Monday...

Not really alot to say today, so I will leave this one short and sweet... until next time... take care xxx

Oops I Did It Again...

So I've managed to get some connection via a Bluetooth phone modem... so a late but still on the right day update.

Last night was most definitely a fail. I have no idea what time I got in... but I know it was well into the morning... I honestly don't remember much of the night... I was smashed... and when my alarm went off at 7am... it was the most I could do to fumble my way to finding it and turning it off... I went back to sleep and finally got back up at about 9:30

I felt pretty shit most of the day. Was probably still drunk until about 1pm... and had a terrible splitting headache for the rest of the day... I finally managed to sleep and drink it off by about 6... and went out to dinner feeling well... sadly dinner was incredibly slow... and so I had my main course about 9:30pm... so I'm pretty sure tonight's sleep will be bad... but hopefully how shattered I feel from last night will help to counteract it.

Will talk more later as I want to go sleep... take care xxx

Today's Update

So yesterday I messed up significantly... don't ask how, but I forgot to eat dinner... so when it got to about half 9, I was starving hungry and had to have a relatively decent meal... this broke my no late eating rule... I was then watching tv with dinner and carried on, so went to bed at 11... then took a little time to settle so was late to bed... then snack-induced insomnia kicked in... and I really struggled to get in a state where I could sleep, I ended up watching some internet tv to settle.

I still managed to get up at 7, but felt a little bit dead for it... but while bad this isn't a disaster... however, tonight I shall be going out, staying up late, and getting to bed in the wee-hours... it's a mate's birthday, so I think it's excusable... but I'm not sure what I will do about waking up as I will be seeing my parents tomorrow... I may have to leave abit early, just end up getting not enough sleep, but not stupidly so... and hope I can catch up the next night... maybe survive of caffeine for one day to limit the damage... but I'll do my best, whatever the weather... I'll try and keep you posted... it may be easier than I thought :)

Until then, take care... big love xxx

Simply put, the next update...

So I did do an update today, but it seems it never published about that... so sorry

So last night I slipped up... I allowed myself to stay up till about quarter to 12... this was foolish... and I don't really know why I did it... it would have been just as easy to close my laptop and fall asleep as it was to lie there and type awkwardly and get the nasty crick-in-the-neck... but I did it anyway... this being said, I slept really well... didn't have a huge amount of trouble getting up, and have felt somewhat refreshed throughout the day... I haven't even found myself yawning... which is strange, especially when it was a 9am start... and I only had about 30mins or R&R before getting up and being active.

I also noticed and increased attentiveness in lectures... that was until the boring one... but even then I wasn't struggling to keep focused or stay awake as I have in the past weeks. So I guess things are improving.

There are still a few things I want to work on... I've been reading up abit on things (which really doesn't happen alot) and it seems oxygen levels while you sleep are important... it seems cracking a window will do alot to making me feel better in the mornings... this however really isn't an option for me... the house is so cold anyway... if I let the frozen air in I'd probably be so uncomfortably cold that I wouldn't sleep... I am instead going to get a plant I think... something which photosynthesises well... but this will mean I will need to atleast partially open my curtains to allow some light to get in to the room... so I may try for a more natural awakening as well (2 birds one stone) by having the light well what there is as 7am to help wake me gradually before my alarm goes off.

While I'm doing my best to stick to this regime and keep it going strong, there may be a problem at the weekend... I'll be staying away from home with family and so we may be going out and about or goodness know's what... I'm not going to change the 7am wakeup... but may not get to sleep well before it... and while I will do my best to blog it... I don't know if I will have available time or internet access... but I will do my best... I guess that's all I can do...

Finally, I have set the goal to step things up a notch and have a morning workout, starting on Monday... hopefully this will stick... I'll certainly do my best.

Until next time... Big Love... and Take Care of Yourself xxx

What's fair anymore...

I feel the word fair is thrown around way to much these days. By definition it should be a midway, and agreed equal where everyone gets what they deserve.

But far to often it's used to mean "I didn't get what I wanted." or I hear someone say "That's not fair on me." well either it's fair on everyone... or it simple isn't fair at all. It seems fair has no got a completely self centred way about it.

On a tangent, it's often asked as proof against the existence of a God, "How is it fair that a God would kill or hurt so many thousands of innocent people?" and I've only ever heard one good answer to this, although I had to piece it together myself, it's far from the cliché of "it's all part of a plan we don't understand", and that is this: None of us deserve to go to heaven... there are no good or innocent people... Jesus died on the cross to forgive all our sins... past, present and future... and to think that anything we can do is even close to comparable to that is just selfish.

Now PLEASE don't think that for one second this is a religious plug... but it kinda gives a nice different perspective on what's fair in the world, weather or not you believe in it (which as you know I sure as hell don't).

Now I don't hugely know where I am going with this, but I want some amount of food for thought to be served up on the subject, or at the very least I've brought it to your attention for the 30seconds that you skim read this post in.

But I too am guilty of this... I often complain that "it isn't fair how nice guys finish last" ... but I'm sure that if things were "unfair" in my favour then I can't imagine I'd be complaining... like if "nice guys" always got the girl then it wouldn't be fair... the bad guys wouldn't get a chance, or be able to be reformed or held down-to-earth by the love of a good woman. Now I know it's easier for me to complain about the situation as despite what you think, I personally plot myself on the nice side of the divide.

I guess the solution is to always try and do what you think is right and hopefully some day things will sort themselves out and become fair in the end.

Day 3 / Night 4

So I'm about 14hours late again with my update... I'm thinking (as the name suggests) a shift in schedule... I'm running out of time to do the blog in the evening when I would like to optimally... and so I'm putting the life plan ahead of the blog (and rightly so).

What I think I will do is update on the past 24hours at around lunch time each day, though so I don't miss anything out, this blog will cover the past 36ish to catch up.

So Monday night was pretty good, I was about 10 minutes late to sleep, but was very happy when I did it, thanks RM :) ... Getting to sleep took a fair while as predicted, and when my alarm went off at 7 I really didn't want to get up. But I took a few deep breaths, turned off my alarm, and when and had a glass of water. The house however was freezing cold, so I decided to sit up in bed, wrapped in my duvet, and muck around on my laptop. I did this till about 8:00, which isn't optimal, but is atleast going in the right direction. Again, I still have no energy for the work out in the morning, I'm thinking I will phase this in in the second week, when hopefully I have abit more energy.

Throughout the day I felt pretty shattered, I resorted to a caffeine boost in my first lecture... but I persevered, I took most of the rest of the day quite restfully with the exception of a little cycling.

Getting to bed that night was easier, though I confess I was about 30mins late :/ but I got to sleep alot easier due to the exhaustion. Perhaps this is just my body clock adjusting, or putting up on final battle to make me revert, I don't know, but either way I shall stick to it.

This morning, again waking up was hard, but I pushed through, and felt okay in my 9am Lecture... so far so good, I plan to fit in a workout this evening, and maybe do some work work... it's abit cold for a bike-ride really... well imo anyways.

Until tomorrow, take care of yourselves xxx

Day 2

So it's a little late, but here is the day two update:

So I went to bed at 11, but I found it alot harder to get to sleep without being intoxicated, probably took me a few hours. So when the alarm went off at 7, I was tired... but none the less, I took a few deep breaths, got up, got a glass of water, but had no energy for a work out... so I turned on the light and sat in bed on my laptop... I figure while not perfect this is a significant improvement.

I felt great throughout the day, the ride in was easier, and my lectures I was attentive and engaged well... I didn't take my laptop, and I felt that I learned a fair amount better.

In the evening, I kind of had some really bad news, I'm not going to post it on here, I've told a couple of you, but if you know me and want to know more, then I've skype-chat/msn/txt it... but find it hard to talk using voice... anyway... so that set me back abit for the evening, but after some JBC cheer-up I got on with things and was productive, I even had a proper work out in the evening, I figure better late than never, and it also helped warm my room up to a sleep-able temperature. So generally good, I will save the evening for todays (Day 3) post, which I will do about half 10, before bed lol.

Until then, take care of yourselves... and treasure each moment... never take the little things for granted... and take the time to thank those who are always there... I'm just going to initial them at the end of this... my support crew from yesterday, it's amazing... I knew they we're good... but the ability of the read from a simple text, or just knowing the right thing to say, even if it's just offering an e-hug... I love you all... JBC, BD, LJC, RM... and GG... I'll be hitting you up some time soon, don't think I forgot bout all the support you give me, was just all talked out for the day by the evening... so yer, /signoff xxx

An Update Following Yesterday's Post...

So one day on, and I haven't completely failed... this is as much a shock to me as it is to you... I fear so often these things I say, well... "They're just fucking words!"... But I have rung significantly true to them.

Light out both today and yesterday by 9, went up to bed at 10:30, and bed by 11:00... I set my alarm for seven, when it went off, I took a few deep breaths, got up, and got a glass of water, no snoozing.

Thus far the plan is a success... however, a significant element I overlooked... the sleep was an alcohol induced one... so I woke up hungover... not wanting to, or feeling up to, exercise... so I let that one sleep for a while, and stayed wrapped in a duvet, sitting up with the lights on... easing the transition... tomorrow I will try to give it a full go (that and have a mildly warmer room to do it in).

I'm going to attempt to make this a series of daily updates, as an intensive to not fail each day... come Sunday I will see what I want to do, keep up the daily, or drop to less frequent.

Hopefully I will notice a change in the way I'm feeling, both physically and mentally, and if nothing else, might not struggle to 9am lectures lol.

Until tomorrow, take care xxx

Hey,

It's been about a month since my last post, so sorry for that, about half of it I had no internet for (I moved house) but the other half I haven't really got an excuse... just forgot about it really, which is irresponsible, if nothing else this blog helps me keep my mind in check... so I guess I've let my self down lol.

So for starters, I'm drinking atm, so bare with me... I'm not drinking in a bad way, I just fancied it, so why the hell not.

I tried and succeeded for a while in stepping my game up and turning over a new leaf, I was working out each morning, being in bed before midnight, and I had a positive outlook on life, generally I was well on my way to a new me. But then I let it all slip for a week, I went away, enjoyed myself, visited friends... now there's nothing wrong with this, but I wasn't productive, now while this is my own doing, and no I don't regret it or place any 'blame' on those I visited, when I got back, I'd stopped the routine, so I wasn't being productive, wasn't getting up and working out... on the plus side though my healthy living regime did continue, buying and eating more fresh fruit and veg, and cooking properly from scratch. Now while this has taken a dip lately (due to being poor and living off whatever is in my cupbords... but I see that one returning, if only because I will have so little money that I won't be able to afford the ready made foods I will be forced to live off whatever is on offer that I can rustle together, (every cloud...).

One thing that saddens me though, I seem to have given up on (or atleast accepted temporary defeat on) is a personal dream of mine, I can't afford to peruse it, and I haven't made proper time for it. Yes I return to cycling in the blogs (skip to next para if you want) but I was telling myself all summer how I would be racing by the start of this season. I trained through most of summer, but then took a week off, which became a month off, and now I've been on at most four proper rides in the past month... on the positive I have been riding into campus and back about 2wice every day, and when I say riding I mean sprinting, but this is very little consolation when I consider how easily I gave up on myself... perhaps that says something about who I am or something... I don't know... thoughts?

Attendance, last year it was beyond poor... I was lucky to be hitting 60%... this year I have attended all bar one of my lectures so far, and have been paying better attention in them, which is good... but still room for improvement, but something I intend to go the whole mile with, this is now my life, what I do here, not only am I paying for, but it defines who I will become, my success for the rest of my life is for the majority dependant on how much I put in to the next 2-4 years of my life, and while at times I significantly lack drive, I aim to give it my all.

I'm going to set some personal goals here... hopefully by making them public I will be more inclined to keep to them, I'll post updates, and please bug me about it... it'll help:

• I'm going to try and get into the habit of a regular sleep pattern, bed by 11, rise by 7, it will kill me at first, but will benefit me later, if I can keep it without break for a couple of weeks then hopefully I should adjust to it.


• Condition my body, this may or may not be bull, but if I believe it, it should work, lights out in the evening will help my body shut down, no late meals, reduced caffeine intake, and on waking, few deep breaths, glass of cold water, and then exercise, almost immediately... should help with my trouble getting up


• propper bike ride at least 2wice a week. Re-join the club if I can afford it, but if not, do my own rides on wednesdays and weekends, distance can be weather permitting.


• stop taking my laptop to lectures, so far it's only distracted me.


• Game less, I've been doing it alot recently, and want to cut back to more sensible hours, I probably should define sensible, but I can't think of it yet, I will do later.


• Finally, not give up on the goal I set last time, Mountain Mayhem 2011, just gotta get the team together...

So a pretty lengthy update this time, hopefully you made it this far, more to come soon, as of monday I may attempt to do daily progress updates, we'll see... take care of yourself, and I'll try to aswell. Big love xxx