What a difference a ride makes...

One thing I want to say is that fitness and cycling now has a new blog. I'm not going to spread the link on here, because it is directly linked to me, and not at all secret. But if you know me, and want the link, just ask :) if there is a demand for it, then I'll post them anonymously somewhere else as well and link off to that.

Ok, so motivation is an issue for me, I struggle to get going with things, even if I really should be doing them. After a while it even effects the things that I really want to do, but just take a bit of effort to start. I've been feeling pretty down as a result of it all.

Tonight I went on a bike ride, nothing strenuous, a leisurely pace, about an hour long, covering just over 10miles. This doesn't seem like a lot, but it's been so long since I've done it. It felt truly amazing. I'm sitting here (in bed) feeling, happy, clear headed, motivated to get up and go in the morning, after going to bed at a sensible time. This again may not seem like much, but for me it's pretty huge. I guess it really is the little things that make your day.

I want to ride daily like this, maybe the evening is good for me (despite the cold). The key is finding a good motive, atm I have a friend who likes the idea of a ride every other day, this could be useful for me. I will try to do it, perhaps I just need to promise to do it to someone I care about... then I'd be sure to do it.

Ahwell, that's all for now, more for another night maybe. Hope you're all well, big love xxx

I didn't use you for sex audience... honest... I was just drunk at the time.

It's been quite a while since my last post. I feel a little bit bad about this, there is a certain level of commitment I aim to uphold to a certain frequency of post. Translation: sorry I forgot.

To some extent I really have just been busy, but there's more to it than that. It would seem that in my life, the amount I blog is directly inproportional to how happy I am. For those of you that don't follow the strange version of logic that my brain functions in: basically I post lots when I'm down or sad, but not so much when I'm happy. Lately I've been mostly happy.

This is good surely, but to some extent it's superficial. "I'm wearing a smile that I don't believe in" to quote one of the many BBTL/LOTD. I feel like I'm waking up and wearing a smile for those around me, or doing something that makes me happy in the short term, but is a complete waste of time, or leaves me unhappy in the long run. It's not just on the little things either, I'm doing it more and more on the big things too, like my life, or as it will soon be known the 18 years I wasted in the education system to become unemployed again just like when I was three-years-old.

See and now I'm coming back with a blog post just because I'm a touch unhappy. I don't want you to feel like I'm using you, but to be honest, sadness is when the best content comes out. If a diary consisted of 365 entries of "today all was swell and nothing bad happened" would be a pretty dire read. So erm... the ends justifies the means? But then, I don't agree with that, so no.

So I guess the other main reason I'm down is sleep. I just can't do it. I have been trying a lot of different thing, and the only thing that seems to take the edge off the insomnia is alcohol. This is not a good thing to admit, nor is it an easy one for me either, but I think I'm suffering a bit from alcoholism. I'm relying on it, becoming dependant. I have strong desires to sit in my room and just drink the evening away. I really need to tackle this, but I procrastinate every aspect of my life. I've decided to tackle this if it persists after my short post-exam (and post-stress) holiday, but who knows if this will stick. Tweet/Wall/Message me if you feel the need or concern to bug me about it.

I have got a little bit more that I could go into... but I feel that deserves my proper attention another time.

Until then, consider yourself Phil'd-in.

Note to self: that joke only works if your name is Phil, and anonymous'd-in isn't a thing.

Friend Burned By The Lyrics

So I've been meaning to post this for a little while, it was a lyrical burn by a very close friend that rings true to me as well.

"I think I found a flower in a field of weeds, I think I found a flower in a field of weeds. Searching until my hands bleed, this flower don't belong to me..."

Sorry man but I had to

A New Year, A New Me...

So forgive the over user and unoriginal title, but one man's laziness is another's efficiency. That said efficiency would have me come up with some form of resolution prior to the new year beginning. I however have decided to wait a few days, for realism's sake.

On that not I come to my first of a few resolutions. For those of you that know me, or perhaps have even just read a post or two, this past year I've been somewhat the pesemist. It was suggested to me that I should try and be optimistic this year. Obviously I doubted that would ever happen, but I like the thought, I'm going to try and be a realist instead, all the positivity where it's due, but nothing so dispointing as false hope.

It would seem that happiness has struck me recently, I'm not completely sure where from, but I do put some of it down to the workouts. Unfortunately ill health has struck me recently, but the smiles haven't dwindled too much, and I aim to kick it all back up again in the next few days, I have the hardware, now for the software...

The only other thing I can think of is work, I want to knuckle down to it and do good at it. I'm a bit behind I'll admit, but I have to potential to excel, and I hope to do so with enough effort put in.

To be honest I really don't have much more for the new years resolutions; health, happiness, and hard working. I quite often talk (complain) about 'love' but right now I'm more than content with my situation, and have now goals for the year so to speak.

I guess the last thing I want to say is thankyou, it's been a long and often hard 10months, but I've had a few dedicated and some more occasional readers. Without readers this blog isn't really anything, so just letting you know I do appreciate it.

Until next time, I'll try and come up with a new 2011 sign-off.