I didn't use you for sex audience... honest... I was just drunk at the time.

It's been quite a while since my last post. I feel a little bit bad about this, there is a certain level of commitment I aim to uphold to a certain frequency of post. Translation: sorry I forgot.

To some extent I really have just been busy, but there's more to it than that. It would seem that in my life, the amount I blog is directly inproportional to how happy I am. For those of you that don't follow the strange version of logic that my brain functions in: basically I post lots when I'm down or sad, but not so much when I'm happy. Lately I've been mostly happy.

This is good surely, but to some extent it's superficial. "I'm wearing a smile that I don't believe in" to quote one of the many BBTL/LOTD. I feel like I'm waking up and wearing a smile for those around me, or doing something that makes me happy in the short term, but is a complete waste of time, or leaves me unhappy in the long run. It's not just on the little things either, I'm doing it more and more on the big things too, like my life, or as it will soon be known the 18 years I wasted in the education system to become unemployed again just like when I was three-years-old.

See and now I'm coming back with a blog post just because I'm a touch unhappy. I don't want you to feel like I'm using you, but to be honest, sadness is when the best content comes out. If a diary consisted of 365 entries of "today all was swell and nothing bad happened" would be a pretty dire read. So erm... the ends justifies the means? But then, I don't agree with that, so no.

So I guess the other main reason I'm down is sleep. I just can't do it. I have been trying a lot of different thing, and the only thing that seems to take the edge off the insomnia is alcohol. This is not a good thing to admit, nor is it an easy one for me either, but I think I'm suffering a bit from alcoholism. I'm relying on it, becoming dependant. I have strong desires to sit in my room and just drink the evening away. I really need to tackle this, but I procrastinate every aspect of my life. I've decided to tackle this if it persists after my short post-exam (and post-stress) holiday, but who knows if this will stick. Tweet/Wall/Message me if you feel the need or concern to bug me about it.

I have got a little bit more that I could go into... but I feel that deserves my proper attention another time.

Until then, consider yourself Phil'd-in.

Note to self: that joke only works if your name is Phil, and anonymous'd-in isn't a thing.