It's been a little while since my last post (I honestly don't know how long) but I felt the need/want to update, so here goes:
Swings and Roundabouts... a phrase I never truly understood, but it certainly applies here.
Fitness wise I'm good. I've been training (cycling) but more of that on it's own blog.
Sadly I can't say the same for work. I had all these plans to do work / revision ect all holiday, be really proactive and get lots done, hitting the end of the holidays ahead and fully ready for exams and kicking some butt in the summer exams. So far I've done nothing, half way through the holiday, and I've done sweet FA. I have nobody to blame but myself, but of course I will try...
I'll blame the town: it's a real love hate relationship I have with it. I love being "home", the free food (not having to worry too much about money) and being able to see some of my best friends. But at the same time the temptation to do something other than work is huge, I'm seeing a bunch of people who aren't in my boat, I'm not used to it. I'm not for a minute blaming the people, I love them... but I am hating on the town a little. There's also something about it that drives laziness deep into me... I was up and active before 9 most days at uni, here 12 is an early day... my routine hasn't changed, so to be honest I can't put my finger on what's actually causing it, but it doesn't seem to happen anywhere else.
Emotional/Relational. -shifted to next post-
Mood: Very much up and down, sadly not of the bi-winning kind. My sleeping has been good (for me) the introduction of a wakeup incentive is good, even if going to sleep has been difficult at times, it just punishes my laps with tiredness. I found a pack of old sleeping pills on the floor, so I might be knocking myself out with them every now and then. Depression is definitely there at times. I really don't know why at times, it just comes on and hits me hard. I would say I've "turned to drink" to help cope, but this would imply that it's a recent change... I've noticed it now for the past month or two that I've hit the booze, on my own (IRL), in my room, and often in the dark. I know this isn't healthy, and I know I really should tackle this issue (maybe make no-alcohol part of my training) but until I can find a better system to cope, I don't know what I'll do, part of me seems to think that getting the girl will instantly trigger riding off into the sunset, and that I need do nothing else save wait for that.
As I type this now I realise (amidst replying to the text of a concerned friend who picked up on my tone) how pathetic I sound. Man I wish my brain was different... I'd gladly trade IQ for clarity... I don't want to throw about names of excuses (*conditions) to gain their sympathy (*pity) but if you want to hear my theories I'll tell ya... just don't laugh... that's it for now, I'd say enjoy but it'd seem crass
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